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What is EFT?
 
Emotionally Focused Therapy, also known as EFT or EFCT, is a relational therapy based on Attachment Theory. This approach seeks to understand how our past relationships and experiences have led us to our current patterns of feeling, thinking, and behaving, and then uses the counselling relationship to bring about desired change.


Human beings are fundamentally relational. We understand ourselves through our relationships with others and ourselves. Counselling provides an opportunity for a unique and healing relationship, one of non-judgement, unconditional acceptance, and active collaboration.  These are the conditions for growth that enable us to tap into our inner wisdom and capacity to heal.
When we work to connect the dots between past and present using EFT, clients can move past self-criticism and shame and often see their challenges in a whole new light. At first sadness may accompany this new awareness—grief for truly seeing and being with the pain you have been holding. However, the flip side of this sadness is self-compassion, and in time this compassion and understanding promotes internal safety and healing.  
 
    "
In insecure relationships, we disguise our vulnerabilities so our partner never really sees us " -Dr. Sue Johnson
 
So, how does it work in therapy? Simply put, there are 2 main goals in our EFT sessions: To uncover and change the negative, emotional connection/pattern in a distressed relationship and then to foster the creation of a secure and connected bond. 
 

So what is EFiT?
 
Emotionally Focused Individual Therapy (EFiT) is a counselling approach developed after EFT as a relational, attachment-based therapy that helps clients individually connect with themselves in a secure, gentle and guided way through healing past emotional pain. In EFiT, the client is guided through key emotional life experiences that define their sense of self and others, walking with individuals towards a new sense of connection and competence.

Resources

To get ahead in couples therapy, I recommend reading these books at home, before and during therapy, to better understand the model of EFT and what attachment science now shows us. Also, please go ahead and complete the free attachment quiz linked below to clarify how you 'reach' for your partner.

Hold Me Tight offers stories and exercises, based on the science of love and the wisdom of Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy (EFT), to walk you through seven conversations that can define a love relationship. Learn to shape these crucial relationship moments and create a secure bond that will last for a lifetime.
This EFT workbook is essential reading for partners looking for helpful steps to improve the quality of their romantic relationships, and overcome their relationship distress. It closely follows the course of EFT treatment and allows clinicians to easily integrate guided reading, reflection, and discussion into the therapeutic process.
What is your attachment style? How do you reach for love and validation? What 'low frequency' messages do you send to your partner, that you may not even be aware of? Lets find out.
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